Tonight I Write.

Tonight, I’m sitting here at my desk wrestling with my thoughts trying to figure out exactly what it is I want to write. Hoping to scavenge through enough of these emotions to find something that is worth writing. The only thing I can think to do in this moment is to be honest. Obviously as a writer words are very important to me. One word that keeps making the rounds of relevance in my head at this instant is tragedy. The word by itself brings with it such a weight of immense negativity. I think back on my life and try to find the most tragic moments of my existence. Surprisingly, the things that I find tragic aren’t the things that I’ve done wrong. They aren’t bad things that have happened to me. They aren’t moments of failure or embarrassment. My truest moments of tragedy were the things that I never did. They were words that were never spoken.

Looking back I can point out every instance when a simple honest word could have changed the course of an entire relationship. The times that I let pride or fear get in the way of saying what I really wanted to say are the ones I regret most. A true tragedy that occurs everyday is the fact that people die with the most important words they can ever speak still inside of them. So many of us bury how we really feel at an attempt to protect ourselves from vulnerability. Or, because we believe that silence is a characteristic of nobility. We sit on the things we should say, and regret the things we do say. I’ve come to a point in my life where I don’t want to live with my most important words swelling in my chest until I explode. I don’t want to lose any more precious time to fear of anything. If by some design of God’s will I were to die tomorrow I’d want to know that every person who was important to me knew how I felt about them. I would want people to know how important they were to me. So many of us keep wasting our time waiting for these perfect moments to pour our hearts out, but the reality is there are no perfect moments. Life rarely ever cooperates with the ideal set of circumstances that we play out in our heads. So when those moments don’t come, those beautiful words turn into regret. I don’t have any more room in my life for regret. I filled that quota a long time ago, and I refuse to give even another millimeter to it again. Those moments that you keep waiting for only happen when you decide that both what you need to say and who you need to say it to merit enough effort.

For those of you that are reading this I don’t need to give some elaborate back-story into a time when I felt like I missed a moment to say something important. Once you knew where this was going there was someone or maybe a group of people who immediately came to the forefront of your mind. Don’t let another moment pass where you allow whatever it is you need to let out eat away at you. There is no time like the present. It’s time to muster up the courage and really begin to put your words to good use. Some of you may find that saying all the things you’re afraid to say will set you free in ways you couldn’t imagine. In response to your bravery you may even hear some words that will finally bring your heart some peace.


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